Monday 8th December

I am not known as “The Soul of Indiscretion” for nothing.  I have spectacularly put my foot in it for decades, though I must say that today I surpassed myself.  Times without number I have said the words no-one would dare to.  When all the office was sworn to secrecy, guess who would be the one to blurt it out.  At one famous meeting our Managing Director looked ferociously around the assembled and shamefaced Department Heads and said, wagging his finger at us all.  “I don’t want anybody here taking me for a cunt.”  Silence, not only at the expletive but at the implied threat.  Then I quietly spoke, “But Peter, it’s an easy mistake to make.”

But back to today (Sunday morning), early morning and I got up to make tea and feed the dogs.  I let them out but it was very cold and they quickly nipped out and back in again.  A few minutes later and we were sitting in bed drinking our tea and Polly, a soppy dog at the best of times, crawled up the bed and insisted on being stroked, even extending her paw time and time again.  What was she up to, why this need for affection all of a sudden.  Slowly  my suspicions were roused, uh-oh – maybe she needs to go out again.  “Come on” I called to the dogs and took them down the two flights of stairs again.  They still didn’t really want to be out and hung around looking as puzzled as I was.  But as I closed the door and turned around, barefoot and crossed the tiled floor to the stairs I felt the unmistakeable squelchiness of a fresh dog poo between my toes.  So, I had really out my foot in it this time….