Saturday 31st December
I heard this line on Radio 2, and my clever DAB radio told me it was by The Finn Brothers – who ever they are, and a song called Edible Flowers, so thank you Radio 2 (and the brothers Finn) for another title for my blog. And how true that line is, so obvious we do not even think about it, but underlying all our petty hopes and fears, ambitions and daydreams, the stark reality is that we simply want to be around for another year. And it has set me thinking about my parents, and how old they both are getting; not that they are poorly, quite the opposite I would say, a sprightly couple, though of course, a couple they never really were, or are likely to be again. But the grim reaper can come calling at any time; and I am resolving (at this time of resolutions) to see a bit more of them both. My father lives in Brighton, and it is only an hour on the train, so there really is no excuse. I am planning a monthly visit, and to see my mother at least once a week from now on. I have the time, so I just have to get on with it. Really I truly don’t know what I do with my time anyway, waste it mostly like everybody else. Having my mother over at Christmas reminded me that she had me when she was only eighteen herself, “Far too young” as Grandma used to say, as if this would explain everything, my mother’s moods, and almost desperate state she got herself in over the slightest mishap. I look at her now, and realise that in eighteen years, which is no time at all, I will be her age myself, and it isn’t a very heartening prospect, is it?
So what will I do with my time left, I think I might try to learn a new language at evening classes, Italian maybe, and I know a smattering from the years we used to spend there, so it shouldn’t be that hard really. Barbara tried to get me along to Salsa classes, but I never was any good at dancing, no natural rhythm I think, I was always listening to the melody and the harmonies, using my head rather than let the music move my body I suppose. And anyway I think that maybe I need a few new friends, all of my friends were really Edward’s friends who by association became mine, and I am not that sort of bubbly instantaneous person who can start a conversation with a perfect stranger; I need to almost size them up first, get to know a little bit about them before I take the plunge. Rather like my only two relationships, I need to feel safe before I can let go of the handrail and skate along with them. And you never know I might meet a man there, though hopefully not an Italian Stallion. Hahaha