Friday 23rd November
I am sure that everyone snores, and undoubtedly some snore louder and longer than others. The trouble is that you hardly ever catch yourself snoring so have no way of reliably assessing your snore score. You have to rely on the, (heaven forfend) slightly exaggerated remarks of one’s partner who waking from their own snore-filled slumbers accuse you of keeping them awake by your incessant and noisy snoring. Unfortunately in my case the sheer volume of complaints and complainants seem to indicate that they may have a point, and that indeed I may on occasion snore.
So, what to do? There have been numerous TV programmes on the issue, and people have even resorted to sewing tennis balls into pyjama jackets to stop the snorer from relaxing at all, and even surgery may not help in some cases. So, I along with millions of other sufferers, although with this particular ailment it is undoubtedly others who suffer, assumed that there was no cure.
But while browsing in Boots at the weekend we came across a selection of snore-cures. Well, to be fair none of them promised a cure, but simply offered relief from the problem. Ear-plugs might have been cheaper, but we bought a couple in the vain hopes of a silent night.
And unbelievably the mouthwash does seem to work. It tastes foul, reminiscent of the TCP my mother swore by when I was a child, and you have to gargle with it for about twenty seconds before rinsing the disgusting stuff from your mouth. And whether it completely paralyses your throat or relaxes it I am not sure, but you simply do not snore.
Reports from the Western Front report All Quiet !!! Even the ceasefire in Gaza is not in danger.
Of course we will have to see if this has just been a flash in the pan, a momentary lapse in my snoring career, or if it works long term. And unless someone sits up all night watching and waiting you can never be certain that a renegade snore does not escape when no-one is listening.