Wednesday 23rd May
You see them everywhere, and though some are undoubtedly male I still call them moo-cows. I do not know, but strongly suspect that it is the case, if they inhabit other cities, but London is full of them, they are simply everywhere. They wander around aimlessly chewing the cud, looking up from their grazing occasionally at all the busy people rushing around, as if these scurrying creatures were in fact from another planet altogether. Despite it being the extended rush hour which London seems to need they seem not to be bothered by financial or in fact any other considerations at all. You see them sitting in Starbucks staring into the middle distance, a hand occasionally mechanically raising the green-logoed cardboard cup to their lips, their gaze never faltering. Or they may be spotted vaguely browsing their i-phones, an index finger occasionally brushing the screen as images flicker by; one wonders if they recognize any, as they never show any emotion on their moo-cow faces. What sort of lives do they lead, these strange sedentary beasts who never hurry, but amble along, occasionally glancing at a Metro, but you suspect that they scorn any real news and content themselves with the celebrity fodder on offer. And the female moo-cow faces are blank and all made up to look exactly the same, as if any sign of individuality would mark them out as being possibly interesting. You never get a reaction from a moo-cow, or even a smile. They are impassive and will not let slip the mask they have so carefully created. Even when moo-cows meet each other, there is barely a whisper of recognition; after all who talks to a moo-cow.
But scorn them not, for they may in fact be the future of the human race – a new sub species that will eventually dominate and destroy all of us thinking busy people. Maybe they are just watching and waiting, planning our eventual overthrow. So beware – the day of the moo-cow may soon be upon us.