Sunday 6th January

I am currently reading the latest Culture novel by Iain M. Banks – The Hydrogen Sonata.  It is the usual reassuring mix of witty eccentric ship minds trying to keep peace in an unruly Universe.  The author has a great turn of phrase, and uses sarcasm in a most creative way, witness the following riposte….

“Please don’t make the mistake of imagining that any contribution you might wish to make to this conversation will be at any point but its conclusion.  Any decisions have already been taken without you.  You are dismissed.”

As a put-down it is almost without equal.  How many times have I wished to a) have conjured up such words and b) had the audacity to use them.  It is the sort of phrase one reads again and again just to relish the words, to roll them around in your mind and to try to remember them, to store them up for possible future use.  Though even having them in my armory, reassuring that they will be, will not be enough, for one has to actually have the moral superiority to execute them efficiently.  Mind you just mouthing them to oneself when confronted by Mr. Big Mouth or Mrs. Bore-My-Arse-Off will almost be as pleasing.  You won’t have to actually say them out loud, just whisper them to yourself and smile the idiots away.

So remember when next time someone needs shutting up, dismissing, ignoring or just reprimanding the words to use are “Please don’t make the mistake….