Tuesday 26th April

Hi folks, your friendly tour guide Adriano here.  Today we are visiting Libya.  I know, it is a slip of the tongue; of course – the situation is just too dangerous to actually leave the ship at the moment but please enjoy this presentation in Super HD TV, please turn your headsets to English for the commentary, but let me just say a few words before the show begins.

Libya is the latest in a long line of ruined Middle East, and slightly beyond, countries which we in the West have tried so hard to help; but as you know the stubbornness of their rulers and the stupidity of their religion has brought ruin upon themselves.  It is with great sadness that we have to report that Libya is now about to join them.  It is hard to actually pinpoint when these once great countries started to fall into decline but we can look back to Egypt and 1956 as a starting point.  The wonderful British Government had kindly granted this primitive nation a degree of independence, we left it with a great infrastructure and had even built the Suez canal for them.  However the greed of these Muslims is legendary and they wanted more.  Despite the valiant efforts of British soldiers Mr. Nasser refused to compromise and slowly that once great nation has descended into chaos; they even stupidly recently elected a Muslim Brotherhood President.  With British and American covert help this dangerous man was deposed and the Army took over, proving that these silly experiments in so-called democracy always end in disaster.  You see Muslims, and especially Arabs, have a tendency to elect dictators; rather than relying on the kindly patronage of Royalty as in our stable allies in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia.  We had to intervene in Iraq to save the poor Iraqi people from the infamous regime of Saddam Hussein who had the temerity to steal Oil revenues from the companies which had built and developed this wonderful infrastructure, stupidly spending the money on trying to educate a backward and undeserving population.  Brave America led the assault and has managed to re-establish the oil-fields under new contracts which reward America for its terrible losses in liberating that savage country.  Syria likewise continued to elect a dictator year after year as the Assad regime dragged the country into poverty. The West has valiantly tried to fund and assist rebel groups trying to overthrow the wicked Government but has been thwarted lately by the perfidy of Russia which continues to support a leader who actually took over from his own father, and they call that democracy; thank goodness we have all but eliminated that idea in much of the Arabian peninsula (thanks to Mr. Bush junior), relying instead on the wisdom of enlightened kings and princes to control and direct a poorly educated and backward population.

And now we come to Libya, where the wicked Colonel Gadhaffi was recently deposed with help from Britain and France.  This tyrant not only stole oil revenues but had the nerve to try to establish a pan-African movement opposed to all Western aid and assistance and investment in that much beknighted continent.  He was removed from power in a most peaceful revolution but unfortunately some of his own followers took out their frustration on him and we could not rescue him to face trial for his misdemeanours, where he would undoubtedly have been sentenced to Death for his his many crimes.  The wretched Muslims, not content with our assistance in removing him have instead largely put their trust in Islamic State as many did in Syria and Iraq and we will shortly have to send in our brave soldiers to rescue another ungrateful Muslim country from themselves.  You see, the Muslim people are not only uneducated but extremely ungrateful, they still yearn for World domination, a title America will never give up, and every so often have to be taught a lesson.  We will return to Libya in a few years and I am sure we will find a stable well-run Western-friendly country again.

So, sit back and relax…oh, by the way next stop on our grand tour will be Yemen, and then on to Iran (the grandaddy of Muslim extremism) in a few years time.  Enjoy your trip and don’t forget to visit the Casino on deck three and the lovely Restaurants serving Lebanese and Morrocan cuisine, you see we don’t really hate everything Muslim, some of their food is surprisingly delicious.