Monday 7th August
We often hear the expression ‘The trials and tribulations of life’. We use it blandly about almost trivial upsets – but almost none of us really know what “tribulations” are, or indeed have often experienced them. The dictionary defines “tribulations” as
troubles, worries, anxieties, burdens, ‘cross to bear’, affliction, ordeal, adversity, tragedy, trauma, setback…
In other words something substantial, something life changing, something pretty awful.
The word is not in common usage at all today, except really in the saying above. Maybe most people can manage to sail through life without any real ‘tribulations’. It is not uncommon for people to live at home with Mum and Dad until they start a ‘live-in’ relationship, or indeed Marriage. Many never lose their jobs, or experience life-threatening illnesses, or have serious injuries, or see their homes flooded, or lose a child – or even suffer a divorce or loss of a partner early in life.
Looking back, my experiences may not have exactly been ‘tribulations’ but given the ‘easy’ lives some people seem to have had, they may almost have been ‘tribulations’.
At seventeen I was unhappy. I was in the Sixth form and supposed to be studying for my ‘A’ levels, but was spending every available moment either painting or writing turgid poetry. Hard to remember now almost fifty years later just what I was thinking of, or most probably how unthinking I must have been, but I left home and school and came to London. I ran away, leaving a pretty inadequate note for my parents. For them actually; my leaving was undoubtedly a ‘tribulation’, but when you are Seventeen you have an incredible strength, a self-belief, a dogged determination to succeed no matter how tough life gets. As it happened – it wasn’t too awful (well maybe it was), I survived somehow, got a job of sorts, got a room, got by. And got in touch with my parents, and despite their pleas for a return, stuck to my guns and continued with my new life.
Pretty soon I suffered tribulation number two, when I got my girlfriend pregnant. My response was typical of my stupidity – we ran away to Scotland. Only to be dragged back when she wanted to be back with her family. This was much worse in my experience than leaving home in the first place. We carried on seeing each other, she had the baby. Then ‘tribulation’ number three – we were homeless. We had been living with her parents in their council flat, but were kicked out late one night by her drunken father. ‘Tribulation’ followed ‘tribulation’ as we were in a homeless shelter for a few weeks, living in a tiny box of a room amidst other unfortunates. At least I still had a job and eventually we were ‘housed’ in the ground floor of a house waiting to be knocked down by the local council.
Then probably the worst ‘tribulation’ was when my wife started going out drinking with her new best friend – an Irish woman who lived on the first floor. Leaving me with the baby she went out drinking every night. I was home waiting and imagining the worst and before long she had met someone else. Seamus was from Northern Ireland, a building labourer and much older than her. He had the money and the looks and one day I came home and she was gone. I was devastated, my worst nightmare come true. My true love and the mother of my son, had left me for another.
At least she left me the baby. But I was heartbroken. All of this and I was still not twenty-one. Oh I nearly forgot another tribulation. I was moonlighting as a weekend security guard, (I know, hard to imagine) in order to earn some money, when my appendix burst and I was rushed to hospital with peritonitis.
Well, life did calm down a bit after that I suppose, but still a couple more ‘tribulations’ still awaited me. Funny now, looking back, it doesn’t seem so terrible now. It was all so long ago….but at the time it was a roller-coaster life, disaster following disaster as the ‘car’ rattled down the track….
Like most of us however, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I survived. I wouldn’t like to have any more ‘tribulations’ now though.