O Vanitas, O Vanitatum

Saturday 15th June

This is the Latin beginning of the postscript of Thakeray’s ‘Vanity Fair’.  Followed by the almost cryptic ‘Which of us is truly happy in this life’ or something to that effect. To be honest I cannot be bothered to look it up.  And despite two years at school of attempting to learn Latin I cannot read it at all.

I think O Vanitas…means Oh Vanity, we are all vain, or something along those lines.  It doesn’t really matter, I am just using it because I like the sound of the words.

The point is that I am amazed at how vain we all are, and sad to say women far more than men.  We all want to look our best, but men, in general I think, want more to conform to the accepted norm, than to look outstandingly gorgeous.  Men are more concerned at turning up in a jacket and tie when everyone else is in T-shirts than about whether their skin is totally unblemished or they may be developing a slight beer belly.  Mind you, things are changing, and apparently cosmetic surgery for men is on the increase, led of course by America which is led of course by L. A.  The latest craze in that city is for wrinkle-free bollocks; I kid you not.  Apparently a smooth sac is considered the height of cool; not that one can imagine getting them out at a dinner party for all to admire, (between the dumplings and the profiteroles one supposes).

But the vanity of women never ceases to amaze me.  Yesterday at work I made a casual joke, asking a nice and attractive sixty year old woman to move her fat arse and let me sit at her PC for a minute.  I hasten to add that this particular lady is quite slim for her age, and loves a bit of banter anyway, enjoying raunchy jokes and comments in the workplace.

Oh my God.  The anger, the looks, the diatribe I had to suffer. “I do not have a fat butt.  How dare you say that…etc, etc.”  “But it was a joke, of course you don’t have a big bottom my dear.”  “Then why say it…etc, etc.”  On and on it went.

What is happening to the world that we are so body-obsessed that we cannot take a joke, and who cares anyway if your derriere is on the round side.  Of course you have a big bottom, that’s what we men like.  It is one of the first things we notice, and if we don’t find it unattractive why should you.  But the fashion dictators have declared that all bums should be slim and petite and so armies of women are petrified that someone should think or even worse dare say they have a big arse.  O Vanitas, o Vanitatum.