Little Nigel was playing with himself. No, I mean really on his own, when he suddenly had an idea. “I will invite my chums Boris, Liam and Michael to go on a trip to Brexitland”. Now Nigel knew all along that Brexitland didn’t really exist, it was just an illusion, a dream that some mad kids in the private school down the road at Eton had dreamed up one day – but he thought it might be fun anyway. Liam was keen right away as he had friends in America who told him Brexitland was THE place to be. Boris had to be persuaded because he feared that Brexitland might be full of Bongo-bongos or slit-eyes – and Michael slithered along behind as he knew it might make him Leader of the gang one day.
Well, on their way they decided to allow little Theresa to join them, she had to wear an ill-fitting trouser suit or people might realise she was a girl after all. Along the yellow brick road they danced. One had no brains, one no courage and…oh, sorry that’s a different story -but true none the less,
They asked the man on the way how to get to Brexitland. His name was Michel and he spoke in a funny accent like all foreigners. He told them that all the wonderful things they had heard existed in Brexitland were here already, but they were still convinced that something better was just over there on the other side of that fence. Arriving at the gate called Parliament, which they had to go through to get to Brexitland our five intrepid adventurers were stumped. The bar of Parliament was too high. It had a label on it which they could just read, it said. “Common Sense”. Try as they might they just couldn’t get through Parliament to Brexitland. Looking round Theresa discovered she was on her own. Nigel and Boris had run away, telling her she was on the wrong path to Brexitland. Michael was playing games and plotting to be leader of the gang himself one day and Liam was in a world of his own trying to swap conkers and old toys with anyone – but no-one wanted them.
So Theresa had to ask that nasty Jeremy to help her get to Brexitland. But try as they might they couldn’t find a way either. You see children – Brexitland was always a silly idea. The lesson we should learn is that things are never quite what they seem, and sometimes you have to ask the grown-ups like Yvette and Hilary and Oliver to help you see sense.