Sunday 21st May

We are less than three weeks away from polling day and what the country really needs is a distraction.  After all we might then forget the plethora of new cuts planned by Mother Theresa just long enough for the heat to die down.  What we really need is a distraction, something lighthearted and insubstantial before we return to the Strong Stable, being shoveled out now ready for the return of that innocent pastime of the true-bloods.  Tally-Ho.  But before that we have the spectacle of a not-quite Royal Wedding.  Or, as the tabloids will undoubtedly have it – the battle of the ‘bums’.  I wonder whose will win this time?

Apparently a sister of someone or other is getting married, there will be hordes of press photographers and the Sunday papers will be awash with fascinating fascinators, pretty princesses and pouty page-boys, glass marquees and champagne on tap.  This is what we really need, a cornucopia of pointless rich benefit scroungers grinning their way through another ‘occasion’.  It will thankfully knock Trump and Corbyn off the front pages for a couple of days.  I mean, who wants to think about our future (or lack of one) when we can watch really rich people in expensive couture dresses parade and prance around for our delectation.  And people will coo and smile and say how beautiful the bride looks and how handsome her hedge-fund manager is (as he seals another deal to screw some small company).  And after all we need some sunshine to brighten up these rainy news days.

So, all you misery-mongers – grow up, this is the real news.  This is what people are really interested in.  Forget Politics, forget the economy, forget taking away people’s savings as they get ill in old age, forget the Brexit negotiations to come when we will be forced to accept cold EU porridge or be really out in the cold, forget looking forward to another five years of a crumbling NHS, forget pushing the deficit into the even longer grass.  None of that matters.  What matters is this wedding.  And would you believe some people are actually calling it a distraction.