Sunday 13th March

Date of log – 20660618

-[Good morning Janek. Have you had time enough to reflect on the scenario I painted for you?  Our little discussion must have given you something to think about.   I think I know you well enough that despite some reservations, natural enough given the enormity of what I told you, you will have been intrigued to say the least.  Have you, in short, come to a decision?]-

I need to know more, I need to know what will be happening to me.  You can’t expect me to make a decision without having some idea of that, can you?

-[So, not a complete yes, or a decided no either; I wouldn’t expect that at this point.  But I gather from your answer that you haven’t completely rejected the idea.  In principle, at any rate.  Am I correct?]-

It’s like this William, if that is the name you are answering to today, you made it pretty clear that the alternative to my not becoming a ‘volunteer’, willing or unwilling, was that I would be of no more use to you.  By that I take it I would be killed, disposed of, euthenased, or whatever other euphemism you might call it.

-[In theory that is correct I am afraid Janek.  You see, I took a risk, a calculated risk as I am sure you have worked out by now.   By informing you of the ‘select’ programme, by even letting you know of its existence I made the choice easy for you.  There is no way we can let you back into society, or in fact to come into contact with anyone at all, now that you know what little you do know.  So, although not completely decided, should you not wish to join us, then your alternative future would be very bleak I should imagine.  But, I feel certain that given your intelligence, your curiosity and maybe even a touch of vanity which might prevail, you will want to be a part of what promises to be a highly significant and exciting leap forward for mankind.]-

I thought as much.  Well, I have given it some thought.  Shit, I haven’t thought of anything else. Amazing how the thought of one’s possible death concentrates the mind.  But I need to know more, and you said I didn’t have to give you a final answer today anyway.  What I am trying to say, is that I am not ruling it out.  Or in either.  I just need to know more.

-[Of course.  I had hoped that would be your answer.  At least now we can relax somewhat, though I hope you are not under the illusion that this tentative agreement of yours has been given simply to buy you some time.  Unfortunately the same logic will apply at any point in the near future that your co-operation might be in question.  As to the details, I cannot go into the exact procedure at this point, partly because I am not privy myself to that exact information.

In many ways I am simply a messenger, albeit a highly informed one, and I was part of the panel which decided to put this proposition to you, although I was one of those counselling for a longer interrogation process.  You must appreciate that the programme is shrouded in secrecy; layer upon layer of secrecy in fact.  All I can tell you is that despite the accidents of six years ago, when several volunteers did not complete the course, the technology has improved since then.  There will be very little personal danger to yourself should you proceed.]-

So, the choice is to go blindly into what could be a severe head-fuck, or be disappeared.

-[As you are prone to such exaggeration I will ignore that last remark, suffice it to say that in essence you are correct.  Should you choose to join the programme then you will be changed, altered, improved far beyond what you may ever have imagined.  I cannot exactly say what the alternative would entail, though undoubtedly it would be painless.  We may sometimes have to make uncomfortable decisions for the greater good of the rest of us, but we are not barbarians.  I can assure you of that.]-

That’s comforting.  You must excuse me but I had assumed that barbarism was actually the order of the day.  Anyway, I assume you will ignore that remark.  Good.  So, assuming that I make the only choice you are really offering me, what happens next.

-[Can I take it as correct then that you will be taking that option, and it goes without saying that any participation on your behalf would be completely willing?  You can have a few more days to think about it, if that is required.]-

What’s the point?  I have no real choice, do I?  And actually, in a funny way, this may just be the escape I was looking for all along.   At least, and correct me if I am wrong, I won’t be living back with my wife in that little apartment again.  I won’t be returning to that life, that monotony of screen-watching.  This really will be something new and different, won’t it?

-[Correct.  One of the conditions of your participation will be that you will automatically lose all contact with the life you had before.  But as to an escape, that is a strange way to categorise things, although your heightened sense of your own importance has always been one of the things that has marked you out Janek.  Think of this as a contribution, an invaluable contribution I would say, that you are selflessly making to the advancement of the species.]-

And there I was thinking you were going to stick some wires in my head and turn me into some super-computer zombie.

[Well we can but hope that one result will be that your sense of the ridiculous, which I assume you call humour,  may be tempered somewhat.  In answer to your question though, as it appears that you are now volunteering for the programme you will be taken to a facility deep inside this building and a series of tests will be run to ensure your complete compatibility.  Provided they are successful then the programme will be explained to you in more detail, and work will begin.  And I can assure you that you will never see your wife or family again.  Strangely that has always been one of the hardest aspects for volunteers to accept.  You seem to relish the prospect.]-