Monday 1st July
Why do you sometimes end up sitting next to a bore? On the flight I mean. You have just left your holiday home and are a bit sad to be leaving – just the tedious journey to get through. All you really want is to get home with as little hassle as possible.
You settle into your seat and wait for take-off. Half-interested you watch as the stewardesses go through their pantomime dance of demonstrating the life jackets etc: Then the taxiing stops, the engines roar and you are suddenly hurtling along the runway. And just as you lift into the air the boring guy next to you begins talking. You take out your kindle and at a break in his speaking you smile and look down and switch the thing on. But before you have finished two sentences he starts in again, totally ignoring the fact that he could see you were trying to read.
So you switch your kindle off and smile and pretend to be interested. He stops and rummages in his bag, you switch on the kindle again. He sees this and takes it as his cue to start talking to you again. Switch off kindle and resign yourself.
Then wonder of wonders he stops and a minute later you notice he has nodded off. Silent as you can you switch it back on again, but somehow you cannot enjoy it, you are waiting for him to waken and start again. You put the thing away and take advantage of his sleeping to shut your own eyes and drift off. Just as those visions of sugar plums dance through your head he wakes and straightaway starts again even though you are pretending to be asleep.
What is it with these people? Do they do it on purpose? Can’t they leave you alone for a minute?
And worst of all the bore is the person you are travelling with, your very own friend who just won’t shut up. And of course it doesn’t stop on the train ride home either. You cannot even be really rude to them; you just smile and occasionally say yes or I know, and secretly jump for joy the moment you part at Liverpool street for different tube lines home.