Good Guys and Bad Guys

Thursday 26th November

I must admit I got this idea from someone else, but I had been thinking along similar lines for ages.

Some of you may be a tad confused by the current fighting in Syria.  This is how we got there.  George Bush (once a good guy but now looking badder as each day passes) decided either before 9/11 or just after, to invade both Afghanistan (good guys but also full of bad guys – the Taliban {who once were helped by Osama Bin Laden, then a good guy but now being very bad, to kick out the Ruskies [really bad]}) and Iraq (ruled by baddest of bad guys Saddam Hussein).  He (Bush, then a good guy) described a triangle of evil – Iraq, Syria (ruled by the Assad’s and until then not considered terribly bad) and North Korea (too funny to even be considered really bad, {I mean, how many Kims are there}).  Our Prime Minister Tony Blair (up till then the goodiest of two shoes good) had a Christian love-in with Bush and decided to join in the invasion of Afghanistan (this was because of Osama Bin Laden – remember him, the baddest guy who ever lived, even though a few years earlier he had helped kick the Russians {perpetual bad guys} out of Afghanistan {so for a while was a good guy} but had now become a really bad guy because he didn’t like the Americans [they are the good guys, remember]) and also to get rid of Saddam (really bad guy) in Iraq.  Confused yet?  You will be.

Iraq was a disaster and descended into Civil War, and the good guys (Bush and Blair) are now seen as quite naughty.  In the meantime the Americans (always good guys – how could you think otherwise) decided that after all Assad was the really bad guy.  They funded and armed lots of rebel groups (good guys) to start a civil war against Assad (baddie).  Saudi Arabia (good guys – because they buy our weapons) helped fund these rebels too, while stifling any form of democracy at home (but let no-one even imagine they are bad guys).  Then while we were all distracted by Russia (bad guys) gobbling up bits of Ukraine (good guys after they kicked out the bad guy who the Russians liked, even though he had been recently elected), ISIS suddenly emerged.  Now these guys are really the baddiest of the bad (even though they are still funded by the Saudis {good guys}, and had morphed out of disparate rebel groups [good guys] funded by America (good guys) fighting the bad guy {Assad}).  So now the West (who could doubt how good we are) decided to bomb ISIS (so bad they keep changing their name, ISIS/ISIL/Daish – all bad {do they really think we are fooled by a name change}).  The Kurds (good guys but a bit bad because they want their own state) are now fighting ISIL too, but the Turks (a bit bad because they are Muslims but now good guys because they are in NATO, the ultimate good guys) are fighting the Kurds (good guys) too.  And the Russians (how bad can they be) are also fighting in Syria, but this time on the side of Assad (bad guy) against both the good rebels and the bad rebels.  And the Turks (honorary good guys but no-one really believes they are not bad) have shot down a plane belonging to the Russians {who are good while they are bombing ISIL, bad while they are fighting the good rebels [still being supplied by the Americans – the really good guys] and really bad still for sneakily fighting in Ukraine [they cannot even be honest about it]}). Just to clarify things then, anyone fighting ISIS is a good guy, even if they are really bad guys but just pretending to be good.

And now we, the Brits (always good guys) are going to join in whacking the really bad guys (Isis) even though the Russians are supporting the other bad guy (Assad) who the even badder guys (ISIL, Daish – oh, you know who we mean) are fighting, but also whacking some good guys and some bad guys as the mood takes them (well, they were always bad really, weren’t they).

The Americans just like bombing anyone… be continued.