Wednesday 20th September

Once upon a time there were five friends.  How they became friends no-one really knows.  They used to all attend the same school, which took in lots of children from the surrounding villages.  There was Nigel who considered himself the cleverest boy in the whole school.  He used to call in at the sweet shop on his way to school and buy lots of boiled sweets which he then sold to the other children making lots of pennies for himself.  There was little Liam; the Headmaster had stopped him from having his friend stay for sleep-overs as people were starting to talk about it.  There was clever-clogs Michael, who wore glasses and thought he knew how to run the school better than the teachers. There was shy little Theresa, who never agreed with anyone until she knew which side was winning.  And the last member of the little gang was Boris, a shaggy old dog who had seen better days.  Now, Boris used to belong to Headmaster Dave, but they had a falling out, and Boris deserted his old mate and joined the new gang.  He was always running after stray pussies, and he had a habit of barking rather too loud.

One day Nigel had a wheeze, “I say gang, I really don’t like that the school has all these kids from other villages, why – some of them speak a bit funny and they like to eat smelly food.  Why don’t we break away and have our own school, just for nice white kids from our town, just like us.”

Without any real discussion the gang went along with Nigel. Michael suggested asking everyone in the town to vote on it.  Theresa wasn’t sure and kept quiet, but Liam liked the idea – without Dave in charge anymore he might still be able to play with his little friend and take him on lots of trips too.  Boris ran around in circles yelping, but somehow endeared himself to the adults with promises of cheap biscuits.

Well the gang won their little battle.  The old Headmaster Dave left in a huff, taking some of the teachers with him.  Little Theresa stepped forward and said “I will be your new Head.  We are going to make a success of our one little class, even if there are only five of us in it.”  Michael had a fight with Boris but Theresa took pity on him and took her to her home.  Nigel said his job was now done and he could leave school for a long awaited trip to America to see his friend, little Donald.  Michael was eventually forgiven and even little Liam was happy visiting lots of other towns.

But even though they had their own class they had no books or desks and had to ask their old school for some. Well, the old pupils and teachers were none too happy “What if every little village wanted their own class?  Where would that leave the big school?” So they asked rather a lot of pennies for the books and desks.

Soon enough the little gang were arguing among themselves over what sort of desks they should sit at, hard ones or soft, and couldn’t agree how much they should cost. Just as things seemed to be settling down Boris the naughty doggie, cocked his leg and pee-weed over the few books they had left.  Nobody could read the writing anymore.  Theresa was in tears, Liam was off with his old friend, Michael was blinking over his thick spectacles and Nigel was threatening to come back and sort everyone out.

Lots of the grown-ups who had so enthusiastically voted for their own class suddenly realised that there would be no teachers and without books and desks what chance did our little gang have of ever getting an education.  So, quietly they decided to lock little Theresa up in her bedroom, send Liam away with his friend on another trip and buy Michael some new glasses so he could see the blackboard properly.  The only one they couldn’t train was Boris, he continued running round in circles, barking madly and spraying his wee-wee over everything.  And that children, is the story of how the Famous Five fell out.