Wednesday 29th May
I could have titled this petite dose de vitriol ‘Will you ever actually do what you say you are going to do?’ but decided that might be a tad harsh for those of a delicate disposition.
Scene 1 – the Supermarket, (In England I hasten to add – here En France – jamais) Mother busily loading up the trolley with 3-for-2 double litres of Coke, giant packs of 32 bags of crisps and Value burgers and chicken; kiddie one, a toddler is wandering down various aisles fingering the goods longingly, kiddie two is strapped into a pushchair when he could well walk. The kid in the pushchair is straining and arching his back to get out and screaming at the top of his voice. Toddler 1, picking up chocolate bars and surreptitiously slipping them into the trolley, decides to eat one there and then and proceeds to unwrap it. Mother is constantly shouting, “If you don’t stop you’ll get a smack.” Finger points and wags “I’m warning you, I’ll give you a smack in a minute. Smack never comes. If only it would – problem solved.
Scene 2 – Husband waits patiently for wife to leave the house for shopping. “I just have to go upstairs and clean my teeth and we’ll go. I won’t be a minute.” Ten minutes later, “I just have to water the plants and we’ll go.” Another ten minutes “I am just putting my make-up on, I won’t be a minute.” Twenty minutes later “Come on, what are you doing sitting down, we haven’t got all day.” Well, obviously she did have before she decided that one minute had almost over 2400 seconds in it.
The English language has been cultivated over many years and has evolved so that it can cover almost any situation. I am lost for words though, at the inadequacy of it’s usage. If you are going to do something then do it, do not constantly announce the doing of it whilst postponing the event, sometimes for ever.