Sunday 30th September
I used to feel that the weeks flew past – before I knew where I was it would be bin-day again, or worse, that Monday morning feeling. But just lately it is the months spinning by in a whirl. September has come and gone so quickly and I have no doubts that October will fly past too. Why is this? Because everyone you talk to seems to feel the same way. A few days ago it was my oldest grandchild’s seventeenth birthday, when only a few years ago she was a little girl. I can still remember as if it were yesterday that unique thrill of seeing her for the first time as a baby. And now she is all grown up, and all too fast. The three baby grandchildren that were born only a year ago, are now all walking and trying to talk, and before I know it they too will be at school and then no doubt leaving school too. It isn’t that I feel old – in many ways I am the same silly teenager rushing headlong into life that I used to be. But I am becoming more and more aware of my own mortality. Not that I am morbid, but there is a growing realization that my days are numbered. Although the reality is that I could die tomorrow or live another thirty years, but it will likely be twenty or so.
And I find that I really have to struggle to even remember what I did this September. Went to France one weekend and to Walton, and here to Wales, so quite a good month really. More and more though I find that nothing really matters; I seem to have no ambition, nor real desires, no burning need to achieve. Work is more and more meaningless and tedious. I read books but often cannot remember much about them when I have finished them. I watch the news but again it all goes in one ear and out the other. I used to be passionate about politics, and even four years ago I was desperate for Obama to win. I still want him to, but only because he is the lesser of two evils. And I am reminded that it was four whole years ago I was glued to the news every night as first the battle between Obama and Hilary and then the Bush Obama showdown totally enthralled me,
Oh well, October tomorrow – let’s see what it brings, and whether come November we will remember it at all.