Mock The Week – v- HIGNFY

Friday 11th July

I used to really love “Have I Got News For You”.   You know, back in the old days when Angus Deayton held court between Ian and Paul.  The script-writers were probably the same as the ones they use today, but somehow it was the straight-faced delivery of Angus that made me laugh.  Is it me or were the comments a bit more daring, a bit more satirical; or is it that we have scraped the barrel so thoroughly that only soggy wood is served up for us today.  The show was incredibly successful and ran for a few years until tragedy struck.  Angus was exposed in the tabloids, prostitutes and cocaine I believe though I never actually read the muck that was raked up.  Embarrassment all round and the BBC dropped Angus.  Maybe it would have been more daring, more in keeping with the ethos of the show to have kept him in the chair.  A novel solution was adopted of having guest presenters.  This worked for a while, but apart from a few like Jo Brand this idea has palled.  Angus was the perfect foil to the big-headedness of both Ian and Paul.  I have tired of the tiredest of tired shows and hardly bother to watch it today.

When Mock the Week began I suspected that it would be a weak imitation of HIGNFY.  I was wrong.  Although the format wasn’t revolutionary, it was still basically a panel show, it was instantly irreverent, and more importantly very very funny.  The best bit is the finale where all six (mostly male) comics had to compete with quick one-liners on a chosen subject such as “Things you wouldn’t want to hear at the Olympic Games”.  Hilariously they try to cap each other with brilliant jokes.  The host Dara O’Briain is brilliant with his sardonic comments and obvious joy at some of the jokes.  I suspect that the panel do actually know the subjects before the show, but even so it knocks the socks off Have I Got News.

B – is for Barclay James Harvest – The Middle Years

Thursday 10th July

The band had achieved some success but playing with an orchestra had run up huge debts.  They were dropped by their management and eventually signed a new record deal with Polydor.  They made five studio albums and two live double albums between 1974 and 1979, and many critics rate this as their best period.  They certainly wrote and preformed some great songs, but they were slipping into a comfortable zone of album-tour-album, with little musical progression.  In a way this suited their fans, myself included, as they gave nary a nod to disco or punk or new wave, still producing majestic anthemic songs like ‘Suicide’ and ‘Nova Lepidotera’.   The band however was just about hanging together, Wooly was reduced to a couple of songs at most on each album and there was open competition between John Lees and Les Holroyd.  I suspect that even in the studio, while they played on each other’s songs there was little love lost.  In a way this was similar to how the Beatles final years played out too, the Beatles being their musical heroes, they even wrote a song whoich briefly charted ‘Titles’ where every line was from a Beatles song and the melody very Beatlish familiar.

They started during these years to become far more popular in Europe, especially Germany and Switzerland where their albums often topped the charts, while in England the critics dismissed them as an irrelevance, as Punk ruled the waves.

Still the band pressed on and were chosen to sing on the steps of the Reichstag after the Berlin Wall fell.  Then disaster, Wooly left the band.  He was always a bit sensitive and felt he was being relegated to a very poor third songwriter.  Those middle albums are well worth re-visiting though, the songs are so well written they have outlasted almost all of punk and disco and other short-lived trends.

... ever bought was Everyone Is Everybody Else by Barclay James Harvest

Another Day, Another Scandal

Wednesday 9th July

We have had expenses, we have had phone hacking, we have had police corruption, we have had Jimmy Saville, we have had Roman Catholic priests and today, another scandal.  This time apparently involving M.P.s and Civil Servants and maybe even Cabinet members systematically abusing young boys.  Almost unbelievable, but there have been rumours swilling around for years.  I am sure that quite a few Editors in Fleet Street have had stuff locked away for years that they dared not publish previously.  One does begin to wonder just what sort of a society we live in. If true, this one tops the lot though.  The idea that kids were bussed in to peadophile rings from children’s homes is too awful to imagine.  Frankly it makes all the rest seem like minor indiscretions.

And how do we put this sort of thing right.  Will people in power always abuse that power?  So how do we build a society where goodness prevails?  It seems to me that the Police are as bad as the people they are supposed to be policing.  And those policing the police are either incompetent or too scared.  When has a Policeman ever been found guilty of unlawfully killing one of us?

This is where the Labour party should be working, trying to come up with a totally different way of running the country.  Maybe televised Cabinet meetings, minutes of all meetings on the internet, the real power for citizens to decide on things.  It cannot be impossible with the internet for all of us to be able to at least register our views on what Parliament is proposing, and maybe a threshold of 60% public approval must be achieved before they can proceed.  Crazy revolutionary ideas maybe, but surely we cannot carry on like this for much longer.

Leave it to the Professionals

Tuesday 8th July

Maybe I have an enormous chip on my shoulder but I feel that there is almost a conspiracy amongst people who have been to University and have achieved professional status.  We, lesser mortals are considered some sort of sub-species.  As we are dealing with litiginous people here no names will be mentioned.  A restaurant I was doing the bookkeeping for recently closed, in somewhat of a hurry.  I worked two long days helping to pack vital papers for storage.  I was left in the unfortunate position of being almost personally responsible for this.  About a month after the Restaurant had closed I received to my home address court papers informing the company (which is based in USA and has no UK staff left) that a former employee was sueing them.

I took time out to inform everyone, and to explain the basis of his claim and how it would fail.  This took a couple of hours.  I told them that this individual was very persistent and that they would have to address the issue quickly.  I was told literally that I was unqualified and that I should leave this to the Professionals.

Then we got frantic e-mails as the deadline for the hearing approached and nothing had been done.  Another Professional in the UK was appointed to prepare a defence.  I assisted them in this by sending many payroll spreadsheets and dates of employment etc:.  My hypothesis was correct.

Now, we have had further e-mails because the UK professionals require actual contracts etc: I am to go to long-storage and rummage and find them.  The hearing is today !!!!   Yes, nobody has done anything about it until the very last moment.  Of course their bills will be huge and will not be questioned.  Leave it to the Professionals ?  You must be joking.

You Could Have Written The Script

Monday 7th July

So, after all the upsets, the early exits, the surprise results the most predictable of semi-finals is almost upon us.  The big four, Brasil, Germany, Argentina and Holland will fight it out for a place in the final.  At the moment it is finely balanced, two from Europe and two from South America.  It could be an all Europe final, though European countries rarely if ever win outside of Europe or those two old adversaries will make it a South American final.

I must say though that no side has really dominated.  Games have often been decided by the slightest of margins.  In all honesty I don’t think that England were any worse or better than Italy or Uruguay in our group, and we actually drew with the surprise best team Costa Rica.  Italy after scraping through against us couldn’t beat anyone else and Uruguay without Saurez’s two touches of brilliance were quite ordinary.  Elsewhere Brasil have signally failed to impress, winning on penalties or appearing to have the referee on their side.  They do have home advantage though, and even in a penalty shootout this may make a difference.  Argentina have plodded, though plodding was enough to get them through.  Germany have been reliably German, never giving up and always capable of winning any game.  And Holland started off so brilliantly against Spain have seemed to find it harder as each game has gone on to connect moments of brilliance and keep scoring.  To win the tournament is quite simple really; just win seven games.  But the difference is that the sides who consistently get to this stage are real tournament sides, they know that it is a hard slog, but they also have that inner belief, that certainty that a place at the top table is theirs by right.  England have no such self-belief, we know we won’t win it and therefore we never do.

So who will it be?  Brasil will I think get to the final but be beaten by the Dutch after extra time.  How about that for a prediction?  I am almost certain to be wrong, but it’s fun guessing.

Roger and Out?

Sunday 6th July

There was a time when Roger Federer was unbeatable.  He just kept on winning.  For a few years there was nobody to touch him.  He had an elegance, a style, great strength and athleticism but best of all a cool temper and a quiet intelligence.  Then a couple of year ago he ran into trouble.  Or did he just run out of steam?  Suddenly there were two new kids on the block, Rafa Nadal and Djokavic.  And Roger started losing out in Grand Slam finals.  He came back in 2012 and just beat our own Andy Murray at Wimbledon, only to be beaten a few weeks late in the Olympics.  2013 was a bad year for him, he had slipped down the world rankings, he looked tired, he was being outplayed, you almost hoped he would just retire and leave the field gracefully.  Andy finally won Wimbledon this year too, a tonic for the nation.   Roger was still seeded number four for this year’s Wimbledon, maybe more on account of his previous seven (yes, an incredible seven) wins here.  This year too Nadal was on fire, winning almost everything in sight.  Even Djokavic was struggling.  Andy Murray had been injured and was nowhere, it was hope over experience even thinking he might do it again.

There were a few new guys around too who were threatening the top four.  Then a wild card Kyrios surprised everyone by beating high ranked players and even knocked out Nadal.  A stroke of luck for Roger who was scheduled to meet him in the semi-final.  In the end it is Djokavic who has only won Wimbledon once and has lost 5 out of the last 6 finals he has played in, against a rejuvenated and almost back to his best Federer.  There is no real favourite this time, it could go either way.  I suspect that now that Andy had gone the crowd will be rooting for Roger.  No-one since the nineteen-thirties has won eight times at Wimbledon.  Go on Roger, one more time.

Cackling Beneath the Guillotine

Saturday 5th July

We didn’t really study the French Revolution at school, or of course the English or the Russian either.  Better not put any incendiary ideas into the minds of young kids.  They showed A Tale of Two Cities on Tv and though I found it confusing I sort of grasped the idea.  What always amazed me though was the image of the old hags cackling beneath the guillotine as another head rolled into the basket.  Were people back then quite so vicarious about death and execution?  Crowds used to gather to see public hangings, and even back in the thirties and forties there was some demand to see criminals hanged.  In America it is quite common for people to witness executions.  Justice must be seen to be done.

Of course we are all grown up now, and have abolished Capital punishment.  However we are just as vicarious, eagerly awaiting the sentencing of Newspaper Hackers and Celebrity sex-abusers alike.  The Media scrum is quite sickening at what by any account must be a harrowing time for the defendants, guilty as they may have been found.  Victims and victims families pronounce that the sentence is never harsh enough.  Well it isn’t happening to you, is it?  And the reporters hang on every word from the judge and the severity of the sentence is debated by self-appointed pundits.  And we, the public are just as vicarious, either in our self-righteous finger-wagging or stunned incredulity; we are just as eager to hear what is handed down to those who have fallen.  We all love to trample on a man (or woman) when someone else has already knocked them to the ground, and the higher the pedestal from which they are knocked the better.  No better and no worse than the cheering mob of old, we cackle as the guillotine slides down and another head rolls into the basket.

A Day For Reflection

Friday 4th July

Some days are just days for reflection.  I did spend four hours producing a Proft and Loss for a Restaurant, on my day off, but then I was at a bit of a loose end.  I went for a walk in Walton.  The sun was shining, it was quite hot.  I was overdressed in jeans and a shirt, but had no real summer clothes down here.  My fault for having three homes, you never quite know where the sun will be shining.  I looked on the beach and saw all these happy-go-lucky people, all with nthing to do.  Suddenly I realised that I had nothing to do either, so why was I different.   Different in that I couldn’t just lay on the beach and let the world go.  What was I hanging on to?  Why had I spent the whole morning working and now worried that if I didn’t do some writing the opportunity would pass me by?  I came back in and tried to write, but gave up.  All I was doing was changing a word or two, nothing creative.  Oh well, it was just one of those days?

I had a long phone conversation with my sister, since she has been poorly I feel we have got a lot closer.

But it was certainly a day for reflection.  I thought about retiring, maybe on my next birthday, a whole year early.  I am still waiting for my partner to be released from her job, and cannot really make my plans until then.   But what would I do if I retired?  Would I be any happier?  Or would I regret not having work to get up for every day?  Reflections all day long, and no decisions arrived at.  In some ways a wasted day, but then again, aren’t they all.   hahaha

Rolf Harris – What a Shame

Thursday 3rd July

I wasn’t particularly surprised by the revelations about Jimmy Saville, the man was downright creepy.  But Rolf shocked me, he just didn’t seems likely.  Or was it just that familiarity; it felt like he was almost part of the family.  He emerged around the same time as The Beatles, and may well have been at The London Palladium with them too.  He was a strange mix of singer, comedian and artist.  And it is as Artist that I prefer to remember him.  Jake the Peg was amusing and I can remember doing it for my kids with a hockey stick for the third leg.  I didn’t much like his records, amusing but not what I was listening to.  Then he reinvented himself with shows like Animal Hospital, the man seemed so innocuous, so much a part of all our childhoods.

And then there was the Art, there is no doubt that he was a very talented painter, even painting the Queen. It may even be that he helped foster my own love of Art when as a child I saw just what could be achieved with a big canvas and a couple of tins of household paint.  And now there are the revelations of a darker side, a serial molester of women and even children.  A few years ago we saw him cry as Piers Morgan interviewed him and asked him about his infidelities; maybe this should have given us a clue.

It all seems such a shame.  And of course it is only a matter of time before the spotlight turns to the Musicians of that time.  Several may just be waiting for the knock at the door.  Maybe even John Lennon will be hauled into the frame of guilt.  This is no defence at all, but it was a different time, the Sixties and the Seventies.  We all wanted to be Pop-stars, with the money the fame, and the groupies too.  And how many of us in that privileged position would have made sure the teenage girls were over sixteen.

It seems that Rolf, like quite a few “Stars” of the time did take advantage of starstruck young women, and felt that it was almost their right to grope anyone they fancied.  Not a few women involved in TV and now in their old age have told us you learned to avoid certain men who would try to touch you up at every opportunity.   Rolf is now a broken man, and maybe you will say deservedly so.  I prefer to remember the man who could conjure a wonderful image (singing at the same time) using just a tin of ordinary household paint and a very large brush.

B – is for Barclay James Harvest – The Harvest Years

Wednesday 2nd July

I first saw and heard them and of them in a field at Weeley in 1972.  They played with an orchestra and were simply sublime.  They came from Stockport, and were in the vanguard of “Prog-Rock”, as it became known, blending rock music with a classical theme.  Great musicians and wonderful songs with enduring melodies.  They were signed to Harvest records, a new imprint of EMI, which had signed up a lot of new and weird bands.  They made four albums for Harvest, their eponymous first album, Once Again, And Short Stories and Baby James Harvest.

They also released a couple of singles which bombed.  The band were just gaining popularity when, for whatever reason they were dropped by Harvest.  For about a year they floundered without a record deal but then signed to Parlophone.

My favourite of this quartet, though all four are wonderful is Once Again.  It features the majestic “Mockingbird”, the gentle acoustic song “Galadriel” and the simply brilliant “She Said”.  There was nothing quite like them in music at that or any time since.  Largely down to the brilliant guitar playing of John Lees, who wrote the best songs too and the classical training of Wooly Wolstenholme, who brought them some of their best melodies.  They lost the orchestra soon after I saw them, it nearly bankrupted their management.  Wooly managed to replicate most of that big orchestral sound on the Mellotron, a new instrument which involved playing short pieces of taped music by pressing keys on a keyboard.   Of all my favourites, BJH hold a very special place.  And John Lees is still recording occasionally and has a new version of the band too.  They still play mostly stuff from these first four albums  because though the band made many more records these were the best.